Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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