I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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