his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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