Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
