I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
