two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
