Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
