I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
only if we run a train.
done.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
