This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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