We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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