She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
