I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
