you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
