OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
