So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize