Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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