We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
