she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
