i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
