I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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