u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
