Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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