porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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