i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
