Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Alive.
So much puke
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
