How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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