I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
