don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
