I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
