But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
