I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
