dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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