That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
