Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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