I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
