i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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