oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
