I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize