Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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