I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize