I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
