This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
