he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
