I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why is half of my head shaved?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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