The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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