I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
