Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
