I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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