Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
