After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
