Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am available for nakedness
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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