i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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