Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
