I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize