So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
