So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
