What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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