dude i'm inner monologue high
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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