So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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