We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
