Got a toothbrush?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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