Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize