Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
