When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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