i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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