i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize