Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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