If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
