Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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