why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
