just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
