alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
