i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
