I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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