ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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