She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
