you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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