you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
